Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize