So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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