One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
