well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
