so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize