I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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