So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
