would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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