dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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