oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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