I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
