First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
