You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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