On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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