just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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