Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
