Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
