it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
