There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
