He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh god it's open bar.
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