I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
