when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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