he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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