Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
