Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize