All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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