We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
