No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
