So drunk its hurt
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
