You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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