My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
