just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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