We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
