Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
