Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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