Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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