It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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