everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
