i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize