Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
