this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
