I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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