he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Im part way to drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
