ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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