im six kinds of drunk right now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
