turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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