So drunk its hurt
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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