Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
