I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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