i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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