he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
