If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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