So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
