I wish life had little blips of pornography
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize