he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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