he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
