alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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