You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
