No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
