Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
