I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
