Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
