he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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