when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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