just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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