He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
