Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
