I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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