what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
