Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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