I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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