I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize