Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
