I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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