gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
