I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
