It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
